Just a word of warning. This may be a long post, with some frustration. There are somethings that have been going on that I've kind of tried to keep quiet, but now I'm done trying to hide things. If you continue to read, be warned that I'm going to talk about some personal things, and some things that boys in particular might not enjoy hearing about. I know my husband doesn't. If you're still wanting to read this, well here we go....
Way back in November of last year I had just gotten my health insurance back, and decided that since I was 22 and had never had a pap smear I thought it was about time (sure you want to keep reading?). So off I go to the doctors office. I get there and it's a doctor I've never seen before. She seems nice enough, but I can't understand hardly a word that she's saying. She does my exam and I'm outta there so fast. Weeks, and months go by and I never hear anything, which to me means that everything looks good. In February after Kirk and I got engaged, I decided that it was time to get on the good ol' birth control pill. This time I decide to go to a gyno instead of just my primary physician. I had my insurance send me a list of gynos that they accept, and I found one that sounded good. (Lets face it, I found the name that sounded the most 'white'. I have NOTHING against other races being health care providers, I mainly just want to be able to understand the person I was talking to.) So I make my appointment and go in to see her. Before she gives me my prescription she wants to do a pap, just to make sure everything is ok. I get what I need, and I'm on my way. About a week and a half later, I get a phone call on my cell while i'm at work, and I check the message and it was my doctor. I listened to the message and all it said was that she wanted me to come in to the office so we could discuss the results of my exam. Well that's not good. They only have you come in if something is wrong, right? I call back, and she's already gone for the day. So I make the appointment, and when the day comes along, I head in to the office not knowing what to think. We sit down, and she proceeds to explain that they found some abnormal cells on my exam and they were going to need to do a biopsy of some cells. She assures me that it's probably not a big deal, and that it's just a precaution. I return a couple weeks later, mother in tow, for my biopsy. A biopsy on the cervix entails swabbing vinegar on the cervix (it makes the abnormal cells a different color) and injecting the cervix up to 4 times with a local anesthetic. Yes, they stuck a needle in my cervix. Then, they have this little gadget that they use to cut the cells off. 4 samples worth. The doctor continued to assure me that this was just a precaution and that there was no need for worry. A couple weeks later when the results came back, she called me again. The first things she said were "I'm sorry, but I don't have good news for you." So again, I head back into the office, mother in tow, to talk about the results of this exam. She informed me that the cells that they removed were pre-cancerous and we needed to take further steps to remove the cells. Que the sounds of my little world crashing around me. At this point we were only 6 weeks from the wedding. And now I was supposed to have surgery? Before we left the office we scheduled my appointment for the following week. THANKFULLY my boss was super understanding, and had gone through something similar with his wife. All I could think was "I have to take a week off, and then take another week and a half off less than a month later..I'm so getting fired". I didn't. I tried to convince the nurse that I didn't need a full week off work. They insisted that I did. I take that week to try to get everything done that I wasn't going to be able to do when I'm supposed to lay around the house for a week. Surgery day comes, and I head off to the hospital. I get checked in, they do all the required blood work, and get me into the bed. Thankfully Kirk showed up right as they were getting ready to put my IV in. He played the dutiful fiance, and waited for me. They did 2 procedures during the operation. First they did a
D&C, (if you've ever had a miscarriage you most likely know what that is.) and then a
LEEP. I'll let you read all about it, but basically they cut off half the tip of my cervix. Un.Comfortable. 5 weeks till my wedding and i'm being chopped up. Awesome. Kirk takes me to get my drugs and takes me home. I do have to say that my family was amazing during the first couple days. My brothers got me anything I needed, and made sure I was taken care of. Before I know it, it's wedding time. I'm still bleeding from my surgery! Not horribly heavy, but enough that I had to have some form of feminine protection in use at all time. Really, who wants to spend their wedding day and honeymoom worrying about things like that? After almost 7 weeks I
finally stopped bleeding. I decided after a couple strong promptings that it was time to say buh-bye to the pill. Kirk left all the timing of getting pregnant up to me. I wanted to wait, and he wanted to just go for it, so he made it my choice. What a good guy. I waited till the time that my doctor said I could start trying, and into the trash goes that little pink container. See ya later money. A month goes by, and before I know it I'm starting to have those good old pregnancy symptoms. Nausea? Check. (Try for 2 1/2 months!) Bloating? Check. Bigger, super tender boobies? Check. Off to the store I run for tests. First test - negative. It's ok, it's still a week till my period. They say some tests can detect it that early. Second test a week later - negative. Ok, call the doctor and make an appointment. Maybe these symptoms are from coming off the pill, or from my surgery. A day later it's my good friend aunt flow.
Not right on time, and
not normal. Third test - Is that a positive? Husband! Is there really a line there? Sure looks like it. So I go get a blood test done. Negative. It's ok, because I already have a doctors appointment. So I visit the doctor, and she says no way are the symptoms from my surgery or from the pill. She's convinced I'm preggo. She did an ultrasound and didn't see anything, but that early in a pregnancy it might still not show. She decided she wanted me to get a blood test done every week for 4 weeks, and come back at the end of the 4 weeks. So I go faithfully every week, and get jabbed by that daggum needle. 4 weeks go by, and i'm still having symptoms, including an expanding waist line. All 4 test that I took came back negative, but the doctor says they could be wrong? 2 sonograms later and there appears to be no baby. Then why all these symptoms? So I get referred to a Hormonal Specialist. The only problem is that my appointment is 5 weeks away! So I wait (sometimes not so patiently) for those 5 weeks to go by. Meanwhile my symptoms persists, and my waist line is ever expanding. Not just like getting chubby, but in my lower abdomen where it's normal to grow when you're pregnant.(Come one people, I don't sit on the couch and eat junk food all day. We eat healthy, and I get some exercising in.) Before I know it, none of my pants fit and i'm in yoga pant heaven, and it's time for my appointment. This time with my Aunt in tow, I head off to the office. After we wait for 20 minutes, they let me know that my doctor is with a difficult delivery and won't be back to the office that day. My appointment is rescheduled for 2 weeks later, which is in my opinion, a long time for it being their fault the appointment had to be changed. Fast forward a week and a half. The office calls to reschedule my appointment one again due to a surgery. A couple days after that phone call my back started really bothering me. By Sunday (as in 2 days ago) it was really really bothering me. I went to church, and basically went straight to lay down. Kirk left a few hours later for a baptism, and I stayed behind in bed. For some strange reason, I started feeling what I can only describe as extremely strong menstrual cramps. I knew it wasn't time for me to start my period, as they'd still been coming every 28 days as normal, but were just 3 days instead of 5, and also very light with no clotting. No, it's still another week or so till I should start. The extra odd thing was that it was basically contained to the right side of my uterine area. Poor husband o' mine came home to find me curled in the bath tub crying in pain. He sent me back to bed and we decided we'd call the doctor in the morning. I stayed home from work yesterday and made a couple phone calls trying to get into the doctor. The soonest appointment I could get was for this morning! I get showered and dressed and made my way in. I had the beginning of an appointment, got sent home for a few hours, returned for yet another ultrasound and the finish of my appointment. As the tech was doing the ultrasound she spent an especially long time looking at my ovaries and making lots of little measurements on the screen. I didn't know what she was looking at, but I just had a feeling that it couldn't be good if it was taking so long. After she was done with the U/S she told me she was just going to type up the report real quick, then exit the room so I could get dressed and meet with my doctor. As she was typing, I saw the words "Several simple cysts on both ovaries". What?! I just kept telling myself to stay calm, and not to jump to any conclusions. The doctor would be able to tell me what was wrong. I kept thinking "first pre-cancerous cells, now cysts?". Thankfully she explained to me that these
"simple cysts" are fluid filled cysts and frequently come and go on their own, and are not dangerous or cancerous. They typically go away after a few menstrual cycles. But i'm not having normal cycles. I'm not sure how that affects things. She also explained that due to these cysts, I'm not ovulating normally, and thus not having a normal period. What she couldn't explain is what is causing so many of them to appear. Typically you would just have one at a time, on either ovary, not multiple on both. She also attributes the pain I felt on Sunday to the bursting of one of these fluid filled cysts. Now I have to wait another month to see a Hormone Specialist (if the appointment doesn't get canceled again!) to try to figure out what is causing these.
I get frustrated because I feel like I was listening to the promptings I was given, and also following my doctors orders, and yet I'm not pregnant yet. I don't feel like I have much room to complain on that front, considering I have a couple friends who have been trying for at least a year and still don't have a baby. I know God has plans for each of us. Sometimes it would be nice if He would let us in on them. I know that's not the way it works though. I know things will happen when they're supposed to, and I just need to be patient. I feel like I've been patient for a while now, but as my mom always told me, patience isn't really a virtue I posses that well. I know there is a lesson somewhere in her, I'm just trying to find it still.
Thanks to modern medicine we were able to catch the pre-cancerous cells before they progressed. We were able to find minuscule cysts that are causing problems. I'm so grateful for the technology we have to find things like this. That's a blessing all in itself.
If you managed to read all the way through this without getting queasy, or feeling like you now know way to much about my body, I have a simple request. Please don't ask me if I'm pregnant yet. I will let everyone know when that happens. If you want to ask about anything else I've written, please send me a message on facebook or email me or text me. Please don't post anything on my wall. The things I have written are all very personal things, which I feel like I can share with those of you who read my blog. I just really don't want things posted all over facebook. If that doesn't make sense to you, then to bad. If it does make sense, and you want to send me a private message, I'd be more than willing to talk to you.Oh, and also, please don't ask my husband about this. Kirk doesn't know how it makes me feel, deep inside. He knows I'm frustrated and hurting, but as the one not going through it, he doesn't fully get it. Don't ask him what a cyst, or a LEEP or a D&C are. He probably doesn't know. I'm so grateful at this time for such a supportive husband, but this is my body I'm talking about. So feel free to ask me, but not him. Thank you!
